was walking back with Miss T though it was raining heavily for the sake of saving the taxi fare..I'm totally fine with it..I do wanna let the rain to wake me up..When I thought everything is coming to the end, it hits me badly again...My heart is beating so fast when heading towards to the library..and the moment I saw it, i can feel my heart sinking to the bottom of the bottom..I have nothing to argue..I deserve it..but it just happens to be so mean and cruel..I don;t know..I mean from the point of view of a student, it did have some sort of undesirable effect..
I thought i was just too sensitive...In fact, i admit I am..especially things that happen around me now..Any words can just easily upset me.. But i m nt the solely one..Miss T does feel so..at least it serves as a comfort to me at this point of time..Why she asked 'how was it'..I just told her everything that I m facing now..I appreciate to have her around at my darkest point of time..and my tears were struggling..i guess she can sense it...it can just happen so naturally when u feel really painful...and i am..
i can sense how worst am i when mum told me that dad was in a shock...all this while , he never question anything about that ..and this time the words "what happen" came out from him..This really makes me feel even worst..
Feel so embarrassing right now..Ur words and action have clearly told me everything..I'm an invaluable share..feel so silly...everything sounds so ironic...wake up, yinshia...who are u ...U are just so insignificant....its just too obvious as if u are not in there...
I hope the book 'to be at ease' does help...i can just rely on u now for i have nothing else...i want to recover from immense guilt, disappointment, disoriented and feeling of inferior...
Just ignore this post..i don;t knw what rubbish am i talking about..its all my random expression...
my dear fren, u haven't lost everything. no. ur mum is still there for you, and we are here for you. After reading your blog, I feel as if we are in very similar situation. maybe you can't see it from the surface. You have not let your family down. It is normal how your dad responded when he knew about it. The reason being you have always been the top. Even you yourself can't take it. You don't deserve it.
ReplyDeleteGive yourself adequate rest. and start again. I know it sounds very tiring, but that's what we have to do. You have your mum there for you. For me, my mother has always been the energy to drive me going. You are not insignificant. whenever i feel unmotivated, i will think of you and yb. So i tell myself i must learn from you. maybe you are not aware, but you play a part in forming who I am today. Hopefully small gan's advice will help you. Never fear to fall, rmb? You know what your problem is, which is a good sign as it shows that you are progessing. Now all you need is action. Make sure you have the full encouragement before you start, if not give yourself more rest. You will always have my support.
Life is all about ups and downs. If you think you are at the deepest bottom, then start climbing up. The sun is up there awaiting you. Good luck.