Today's meeting is ok...Its not as bad as what I expected..But somehow, i don;t know its a good thing or bad thing..But i will still regard it as a good thing for me..I have decided...by hook or by crook, I must achieve it within the next three years..Or that's it!!! the end of my life....I allocate three years time for myself to get as much exposure as possible ..The process will be difficult and distressing, but i must do it...GIve urself a chance....Three years time....
As what i always said in the blog recently, I m extremely sensitive in this period of time..The las few times when you said that to me, I m ok..Instead, i take it as one form of encouragement...But today when the phrase came out from ur mouth in front of so many people, it make me feel so bad...Its instead humiliating to me..you wouldn't know how hurtful it is...You said it out as if i m so valueless...The moment I answered you, I said it, i mean it!!!...I will prove to you....
I guess I have slowly adopted to learned helplessness as what have been taught in psychology...That is slowly learn to be hopeless due to the repeated failure...when you have done something from ur heart, and the outcome is so discouraging, it certainly pulls you even down....But i will not given up....I don;t have the option to give up as well....
Jia you, yinshia.....
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