So as usual, I will drive my grandma out for grocery.but this time i feel kinda annoyed..When we have grown up and officially turn up to be an adult, shouldn't we have the responsibility to take in charge of our own life..But why..why the son still depend on his mum to buy the necessities for him while the son is enjoying evthing outside..I seriously despise such person..Don't u feel a sense of empathy and sympathy when seeing ur own mother who is half deaf busy entering every single shop just to search for ur "special necessities"..and you knw how tiring and how pity she was when begging others for discount..u don't know abt it..cos u never care about her..I admire and respect her for never grumbling at all all this while be it how hard and how harsh is her life...She is indeed the typical traditional woman who is willing to work just for the sake of others..But i cant..I feel really sorry for being impatient at times..I should have thought on behalf of you..I should have understood ur feeling...Despite having the listening problem, u still strive hard to lead the normal life..i know its not easy to be living in a world that is soundless...You must be feeling tired..I m sorry ...I should have shown more care to you..cos you are the only one precious to me...but i jus want u to understand that I really hope that u can lead a very comfortable life and enjoy ev single things around you..I knw it seriously seems impossible for you to stop working..I just hope you are well all the times....you are not deserved to have such life...you are not..you just contribute too much to us..but we the younger generations do not appreciate it at all....Sorry, grandma....
As for my acdemic stuff..I knw it very well that i have performed super badly especially my econs..The day when i finished the paper, I was totally blank..I didn't expect to be that bad at all..Its not that i never study.. In fact, econs is the subject i put most of my effort and hard work on it.. i do put a lot of expectation on myself for that subject..cos all this while i m performing quite well on that..but things always go wrong when i put too muc hope..I did the biggest mistake at the first place..I spent nearly an hour jus to complete an essay..and when the time getting nearer n nearer, I was totally blank..my hands were trembling..I cant even think properly..whatever coming out from my mind, i just wrote it..I cant analyse it at all...and it ended that i left so many questions blank...seriously..I was so extremely angry and disappointed to myself at that point of time..The moment I phoned my mum, my tears dropped uncontrobally..It shouldn;t be like that..Or perhaps i jus got to admit that I m too fragile..I can't stand for any stress and expectation, be it from myself or others..I can;t stand it at all..The moment I sense any of them, things will automatically goes beyond my control...it can;t happen anymore..I can't bear it if it were to happen during my finals..i can't afford to lose!!!i got to change...i have to make my way out from this trauma..but how??i know its only me myself can help out myself...but i dunno the way..i have no idea at all...I just know the more frightened i feel, the more it will haunt me!!!
No matter how guilty and how depressed i feel, i cant change the fact..i still have to face all the harsh words this coming monday..she must be feeling extremely disappointed of me..i'm really sorry...I just lost myself that day..
As for that pieces, I m still self-recovering..Its only time that can get me feel better..Time flies and its already one year...I just blame myself for being so foolish all this while..as you said, 'love is blind'...i din do anything that day...and i even question myself how should I react..But you are doing fine..in fact, you are really in a wonderful life now..I can just say yea...you make it...and the scar left in my heart forever and ever....i did the mistake at the first place...but as time passes, evthing is changing...For whatever thing that has changed, we can;t make it a reverse anymore...Just to appreciate ev single things that i m having now..my family and friends
happy 21st gan ~~
small gan n me..the organisers for the surprise party...haha
happy 21st..key to the freedom~~
while waiting for gan~haah..
mr. gan~~da ge n wu jie
pbhp buddies...family~~
mus get urself a bit dirty..cos its ur big big day!!!
love~and thou shall be loved~~^^v
L~O~V~E
a warm n nice lantern gathering
I'm hiding over there..haha
I love it...
haha...it seems to be romantic...but...haha....
Thanks you all for giving me such a wonderful lantern night tho its still early and it seems that ev1 is jus so busy...but that night will be remembered deep inside my heart forever...cos will never have such chance anymore to play lantern with u guys in the near future..thanks for making it a realistic...pbhp buddies are always the best!!
life is fill with challenges. overcome one and another is waiting. wut is more important is life experience. u have it, others dun have. cherish it and u wil be a btr person.
ReplyDeleteyes, it's us ourself that can help out ourself at times, but sometimes, we just nid a helping hand to help us out. we nid the help to laid a road for us to move. after all, what friends, families, teachers are for.
cheers, as long as we nvr forget each other, we will have gatherings again and again in the future.
cheers.
with metta,
small gan