Was walking in the rain.The pitter patter of the raindrops on my face made me reflect what's really happening to me. Why am I so fragile whenever things go against me? Why couldnt I just face it in a positive and optimistic way! and while waiting for the tram, I saw this baby, being hugged by his lovely dad. His smile was so innocent yet cheerful. and I realise what am I craving for all this while is just "simplicity"!
Experience has told me that things tend to go well whenever u expect the least. but does this imply that we shouldnt put high hope or have some expectations to ourselves or even to people surrounding you. Or is this just simply a way to protect your ownself from further sadness and disappointment. Now I finally understand why people tend to perceive things in a very negative way once they encountered something really hurtful as the saying goes " Once bitten twice shy". I think I should apologise to Miss T for always pointing the accusing finger at her whenever she behaves in pessimistic way!I finally able to understand your feeling, it isnt that good at all...>
I believe tears make people stronger but not cruel. If people were to say AIDS is the top killer, I would say not exactly, but it's emotion that put you in such a dangerous place that you would even harm yourself. Im sorry to hear that from you but u definitely have recovered from that. and I do admit that I almost lost myself overwhelming by the terrible feeling. I tell myself to remember that night forever for whatever consequences I received due to my silliness. Sometimes being too kind hearted will just end up torturing yourself!This is not what I intended but the lesson learned is good enough to warn me about this. but I still choose to be stubborn, forgive me for going in my own way. I still wish to believe that everyone is born to be kind. Kindness is the natural beauty planted in ev1;s heart regardless who you are, cos it's human nature. I know no matter what, I would have to pen this down as a self reminder to myself that : You choose to believe that and you will uphold it till the rest of your life unless you are totally being defeated by it. I will not let it happen. Shall never. ..I knw you are gonna be bit disappointed with my decision, but I guess that's what best fits my personalities. ..
Now I knw finding no one to talk with when you are in such a difficult time is that scary. and the only one I can express out is my family, or shall I say the only person that I can put my trust on. If it's not the invisible support from you saying :Doesnt matter, dear!, I would have collapsed ever since then.
Life ain;t that easy. I can tell others all those motivative words to cheer people up, but when things happen to me, I fail to do so to myself..It's just not convincing at all.I don't even bother to hear from my inner heart, but just letting the tears drop esp when this reminded me the painful wound back in that period. Never trigger back the memories for I knw well that I wouldnt be able to endure it!somehow it just meant too much to me in the negative way. I can't take it at all..to be frank.
Enough grumbles to channel it out. Let just end it with what I believe in, Simplicity is the destiny!
And don't worry. Im much better.
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